Dr. Luann Linquist

The California Therapist

California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
Book review
Secret Lovers, by Dr. Luann Linquist
Reviewed by Susan Wilcox

When I first read the title of this book my first thought was that this would be a book directed toward the spouses of the unfaithful. It is not. It is targeted more toward persons who may be contemplating an affair, engaged in an affair or who have ended an affair. Secret Lovers focuses on the long-term affair-at the dynamics that lead to an affair, what happens in an affair, and how it differs from a relationship of unmarried partners. She explores the reasons that lead up to affairs and how the participants deal with issues such as jealousy, secrecy, guilt and desires for exclusivity or commitment. How does an affair affect the lovers as well as the other people in their lives?

Dr. Linquist makes it very clear that despite all the secrecy, affairs are extremely common. She lets the reader listen in as men and women describe their affairs - the joys and frustrations the benefits and costs. She is non-judgmental in her stance towards the participants. She makes distinctions between affairs that are very destructive and those people described as "quite beneficial to them and their marriage." She quotes Linda Wolfe who observes that "extramarital affairs are another one of innumerable activities engaged in by people preoccupied with personal happiness. Happiness is our society's prime ethic."

There is much valuable material in this book. If thoughtfully read-with the purpose of understanding, not condemning or accusing-this book can be very helpful.

Luann Linquist, Ph.D., MCC, founder of DeleteStress.com, is a noted speaker, coach, author and therapist who enhances relationships and communication by utilizing "The DELETE technique" -- a cutting-edge, rapid-response integrative process that rapidly eliminates obstacles created by work-life stress, anxiety, and phobias that people have been struggling with for months and even years.

Dr. Luann Linquist, MCC

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